Seu and Rambulge wobbled their way over the safe bricks, heading towards the alcove where Bufo was wrestling with the iron grill door. They were about halfway along the narrow path, which almost seemed to have been designed by someone Bufo's size, when a click, a hum, and a sudden jolt caused them to look about fretfully. Then all three pillars activated barely a split second later, and the heroes in the room found their feet held by some powerful, invisible force - they were stuck!
The Paladin threw Bufo a furious look. "What have you done halfling?"
Bufo looked terrified - "It wasn't me!! Blame Rambulge, he's always falling in stuff!"
The cleric and the ranger were unaffected by the gripping force which seemed to have a radius inside the room only. The cleric looked somewhat smug, even though the goblin door remained open and no monsters came flooding in.
"What are we going to do!" wailed the halfling, then remembered he had plenty of food in his pouches, so calmed down somewhat.
Then, the illusion of treasure in the middle of the room swirled, and flickered, before being replaced by a strange bluish cloud or fog. Swirling amongst the foggy emanation were tortured faces, silently howling, their big eyes staring sightlessly in a way that made Bufo's spine chill. He ate some cheese quickly to settle his nerves. The fog began to clear, revealing the figure of...a...
...mouse?
Bufo stared. It was some kind of mouse-man, no taller than the halfling himself, standing before them on the platform in the centre of the room wearing flowing purple robes and flashy jewels at his his wrist and on his finger. He had a wispy white beard that hung in a plait. It stared about it at the various adventurers, before chuckling in a way that was not reassuring.
"Greetings my dear heroes," the mouse began. "I want to start by commending you for working out the password and finding your way to my inner-sanctum. You must truly be heroes of quality..." the creature's voice was heavy with sarcasm. "It's a pity that this is the end of the road for you, but every journey must end somewhere, and for you this is the end of the road for you... erm... i mean...damn, i screwed up my speech already! Ah stuff it! You there!" he pointed to the halfling, "Thankyou so much for your help stealing the Abbot's cheese, i couldn't have done it without your talents! I knew you found my ring when i lost track of you in the corridors, but it had served it's purpose, so no matter. I don't suppose you recovered my amulet as well, did you? From the ogre? It's very valuable, in fact, i would even consider sparing your lives if you hand it back? Hmm? No?" the mouse glanced around, before his gaze fell on Rambulge. "Ah, I see, smashed it, didn't you? Yes yes, don't deny it i can read your petty mind, I know your thoughts... death it is then, for all of you."
At that moment the halfling cried a mighty battle cry ("Ayeeeee!") and sent a sling bullet whizzing towards the mouse-man. It passed right through him and out the other side - more illusions! The halfling shrugged, it was worth a try!
"Spare your puny bullets halfling, they are of no use here. I am a master of illusion, as well as a psychik beyond compare! Do you know who i am?!" The party shrugged non-noncommittally, for in truth they had no clue. "I am Waldemar Cheesethrane, and I have searched these many years for a path to divinity, a gateway to the gods, so that I may ask them in person why they cursed me to walk the realms as a hideous rodent, a detestable mouse-thing, a genius mind in the body of a wretched pest! Do you have any idea to what lengths i have gone, and what lengths i am prepared to go? Of course you don't, your minds are a bubbling morass of half-formed thoughts and ill-conceived notions. None of you can understand."
"I know what it's like to be small and misunderstood" announced the halfling. "Everywhere i go i am denounced as a thief and a liar, on account of my being a halfling, and alive!"
"No," frowned the mouse, "it's because you are a thief and a liar, and would steal anything that was not nailed down, and anything that was, and also, the nails!"
"Oh yeah," considered the halfling, and let the mouse continue.
"I searched all the lands for a trace of divinity made real that I could take, and use for my plans. I set up my laboratory here, in an old abandoned mine, and gathered my followers from the dregs of existence. My ogre was a wonderful find - stupid, as all their kind are, but all the easier to control because of it. I used his simple mind, practiced working magic through his large, clumsy hands. My goblins pillaged far and wide to gather enough food to keep him fed, for his appetite was voracious and unending. He proved an excellent guardian, along with my hounds... do you know how long it takes to train a hellhound not to squirt flaming piss all over the good rugs? Do you? What a waste... This whole enterprise of secrecy has taken months of my time. There were many obstacles..." here he glared at Robin, the ranger. "You, ranger, you were a thorn in my side for weeks, tracking my goblins about, threatening to discover my lair. I had to burn down a whole forest just to throw you off the trail." The mouse's eyes glinted evilly. "Do you remember that fire, ranger?" he spat. "So many little woodland creatures scorched to a crisp. Some of them were rare, creatures of great beauty..." He paused to savor the moment.
"On one occasion," continued Waldemar, "whilst researching my way across the land, I came to a small town full of the usual bumpkin peasants. I had heard rumours of a boy who could practise magic without the use of books and study - I thought perhaps he was the sign I was looking for. It turned out he was noone, just some snot-nosed hedge-wizard. I contemplated killing him just for being useless, but instead I framed him for some petty crimes and had him chased from the village!" The wicked mouse cackled loudly. "Does that story sound familiar to you, BOY?" the mouse looked squarely at Rambulge. "The lad's own mother didn't believe him, how sad! Pathetic, and sad, hahaha!"
He turned to Bari next, a look of puzzlement on his whiskery face. "You, I thought long dead. I had the goblins bring you here alive, in the hope that you could aid me in my task, but you proved... unsuitable." The mouse shuddered a little. Bari had a sudden ghost of a recollection, something about a conversation involving a rodent, a pipe, and his old mentor Reichhardt Jeer. The moment passed quickly, but he could almost feel his fingers caressing spiky little whiskers as a prayer to Jordann hummed on his lips.
"Does this story have a point, mouse, or do you just like the sound of your own voice?" grumbled Bufo.
"Ha!" snorted Waldemar indignantly. "Well, it was entirely by accident that I stumbled upon the story of the Abbot's Cheese... quite by accident." The mouse fixed his beady gaze on Sir Antheus. "I was passing by a village stricken by fever. There were holy men there, members of your order, Paladin. Your dear Abbot was with them. They were laying their hands upon the filthy, disease-ridden peasants, healing them with their gods-gotten powers. I read their minds but fleetingly, for holy men seldom have thoughts that interest me, but the Abbot had something pressing upon his mind... a certain ritual... a rite kept secret even from you, noble knight. Do you know that which I speak of?"
The Paladin grimaced.
"That's right... the rite of the Abbot's Cheese. But the origin of the cheese, that is a well-guarded secret, known only to the Abbot... and ME!" He chuckled at the indignation on Seu's face. "But you know the secret too, don't you Paladin? You've always known, ever since you were a lad, having nightly dreams of your most beautiful lady. For you see, the Abbot's Cheese IS made from her divine milk, and I shall tell you how. Once a year, on the night of the Silent Vigil, when all the bravest knights gather around the door of the Abbot's chamber and stand guard till dawn, the lady herself descends from the palace of the gods and takes the form of a sacred cow... the Abbot takes her most divine teat in hand and squeezes forth precious milk into a golden pail. That very milk is used to make the Abbot's Cheese, and it contains her divine essence within - the cheese was the key I had been searching for all along!"
The mouse fairly quivered with suppressed excitement. Sir Antheus was pale, his brow furrowed and glistening, his lips uttering prayer after silent prayer. Waldemar gloated at the mischief he had wrought on the noble man's mind. "After i discovered the secret of the cheese," he continued, "I knew what course i must take. I found the greediest little thief I could find, and with my magical skills i took the form of a rich merchant, bearing a fat purse of gold, jewels, and a ring." Bufo shuddered as the memory leapt into place clearly for the first time. " The moment the greedy little halfling put on that ring, his mind was subject to my will, and i was able to follow his every step as he made his way to the monastery to steal my cheese. I guided him with my powers, helping him elude all the bold knights on their watch - they were quite lax, for noone ever expected that cheese to be stolen, who would bother? With my aid he returned unscathed to bury the cheese in a place of my choosing, ready for my goblin-slaves to collect. They brought the cheese here to me, and I have used it, completely consumed it in my rituals, and i have captured it's divine essence in this very gemstone!"
With a flourish, the mouse-man held up a necklace, shining and golden, set with a milky-coloured gemstone - all that remained of the Abbot's Cheese was contained within it's facets!
"Blasphemy!" cried the Paladin, his reverie broken. With a mad jerk he tried to free his feet from their magical bindings, but it was no use. The mouse laughed heartily at his righteous indignation.
"With this gem I now possess a portion of your Lady's divine power. It will take much study to learn how to best put it to use, but time is on my side - not yours, sadly! I must depart soon from this plane of existence and make a journey to the Crystal City - but such things are none of your concern. I shall leave you now to wallow here in the company of some of my little friends - unless of course, you have any questions? Make them brief mind you, for I must be away presently and there is much to pack before I go. It has been so nice chatting with you by the way, months spent in this dank hole with only dogs and ogres to keep me company certainly makes one chatty, teehee!"
