Squat Mercenaries (now with cyberslayer)


Make us dream with all your oldhammer stuff!

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Post Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:13 pm

Squat Mercenaries (now with cyberslayer)

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". . . This is our standard Ork Waaagh rider, which addresses the contingencies which may, or may not not, eventuate in the event the present incursion develops into a full-blown Waaagh." Jephthah slammed another thick volume on to the table. Like the other 16 volumes comprising the contract, it was crammed with small print on the front and back of each page and full of footnotes, endnotes, and cross references. Across the table, the human planetary governor of this world stared slack-jawed and ashen-faced. Hours ago, he had stopped trying to read the contract and decipher its tangled clauses and complicated structure. Truth was, the planetary governor had stopped listening hours ago too. Panic had long set in.

This was, of course, just how Jephthah liked it.

Jephthah smiled. "Now, Your Excellency, if you just turn back to volume 7 for a moment, you'll recall that we reserve the right to use independent subcontractors for certain tasks. We will charge you at our cost, plus 8%, except if such independent subcontractors must be assigned to active operations for more than six planetary months, in such event, we will charge our cost plus 12%, further except in the event of a fully developed Waaagh, in which case we will apply the formula in section 728, subpart A, further subparts ii-vi, which as you will see, begins with a base of . . . " Jephthah continued cheerfully rattling away, elaborating on each element of the equation. This was all so much window dressing. But of course, Jephthah always thought that was an important part of the fun.

A single bead of sweat trickled down the center of the planetary governor's forehead. It traveled down his face, and trembled on his nose for a moment, before dripping on to his doublet. On either side of the governor, his lasgun armed bodyguards swayed unsteadily. They'd been standing since the meeting began. Yesterday.

". . . But in no event exceeding the limits established in volume twelve." Jephthah concluded, clapping his hands. The sound shocked the planetary governor from his stupor. The bodyguards, also shocked, straightened to attention. Jephthah smiled warmly. "Now, do you have any questions?"

The planetary governor spoke slowly, as though waking from a dream. "How . . . How large of a retainer will you require?" He swallowed hard.

With great elegance and aplomb, Jephthah wrote a number on a sheet of paper. It had many, many, digits. He slid it across the table, still smiling his warm smile.

The governor stared at the paper. He tried to swallow and coughed instead. He blinked rapidly. Then he covered his mouth with both hands. Then he blinked some more. Finally he looked up from the paper. "Could you, ah, reduce, erm, your fee? We're, ah, limited in our resources here. This is an, mmm, agricultural world you understand."

Jephthah steepled his fingers, and mustered his practiced look of sympathy. He sighed grandly. "I've consulted the ancestors already, and they've assured me that we simply cannot reduce our fee further."

The planetary governor looked like he would weep. "We just . . . Can't . . . Pay that."

Jepthah sprang from his chair. "I'm so sorry. Best of luck dealing with your ork problem." Jephthah walked quickly to the door.

"Wait!" Cried the governor in desperation. "Surely, there must be something we can work out!"

Jephthah paused dramatically at the threshold. He cocked his head as though weighing something. "Well," he said, "well. I suppose you could agree to cede 51% surface rights and 100% planetary mineral rights . . ."

The governor slid to his knees. "That's . . . That's not something I can promise. The adepts of earth would have my head if they found out I signed over most of Buh'red Basskitt to . . . to squats!"

Jephthah nodded. "Then I'm sure, just positive, really very, very, confident that you can rely on the imperium to send a chapter of astartes, or a regiment of imperial guard to this rural, backwater world, of no obvious strategic importance, just as quick as can be. And then they, not us, can be the ones to save your people from being massacred, and your lands from being pillaged. Good day, your Excellency." He turned again the the door.

"WAIT!" The planetary governor shrieked. And slowly, slowly, Jephtah turned around.

". . . I'll do it."

With his trademark flair for the dramatic, Jephthah walked over and looked the kneeling human straight in the eyes. Again, he smiled.

"It's a pleasure to do business with you, your Excellency."
Last edited by Orjetax on Mon Mar 06, 2017 3:32 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Post Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:15 pm

Re: Squat Mercenaries

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Part 2
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Part 1
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Part 3
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The Redcaps primarily operate as scouts or ambushers, and fulfill other covert operations roles. Though they wear non-standard uniforms, each member of the Redcaps sports some sort of crimson head covering, frankly ill-suited for their typical duties. These red "caps" (sometimes actual caps, sometimes bandanas, sometimes helmets) are a show of bravado. As, Jershoam, the current leader of the Skulkers would put it, this long-standing tradition "Keeps things from getting too boring for us."
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Post Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:16 pm

Re: Squat Mercenaries

So I'll use this topic as a place to post painted models and some of the background concept for my latest project - squat mercenaries.
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Location: Nottingham, UK

Post Sun Mar 15, 2015 8:39 pm

Re: Squat Mercenaries

Great mix of models - the adventurers and pirates work very nicely together. My favourite is the pirate with the goggles - the little dash of blue on the lenses looks great!
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Location: Sydney, Australia

Post Mon Mar 16, 2015 2:59 am

Re: Squat Mercenaries

These look really very good Orjetax, you've done a great job on the skin in particular.
The adventurers and pirates are some of the nicest minis in the Squat line, great work.
R.I.P. Dave Brockie, AKA Oderus Urungus

My blog http://leadoralivebruno.blogspot.com.au/2014/06/enter-bruno.html
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Post Mon Mar 16, 2015 6:46 pm

Re: Squat Mercenaries

Axiom and CVB, thank you both!

I loved the way the pirates and adventurers work together, and am glad to hear you think so too.

CVB - this was my first attempt painting realistic skin tone in any meaningful quantity. So I'm doubly gratified to see your comment.
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Post Mon Mar 16, 2015 9:44 pm

Re: Squat Mercenaries

an excellent selection of squats. some of the best that were released.
++++http://area-23.blogspot.com++++
-If you don't believe in lead, you're already dead-
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Location: Madrid, Spain

Post Tue Mar 17, 2015 10:58 pm

Re: Squat Mercenaries

Truly colourful! I like them a lot!
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Post Wed Mar 18, 2015 10:43 am

Re: Squat Mercenaries

Great looking bunch Orjetax - a job well done!
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Post Tue Jan 24, 2017 11:00 pm

Re: Squat Mercenaries

I've now added some of Diego's Space Minotaurs. They'll stand in as allied ogryns with ripper guns, from a gaming perspective.

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