D&D ADVENTURE! THE DOMAIN OF THE UNDER-DOG

For the longest time, Bari just stared into the middle distance. All around him were the sounds of activity: the other adventurers checking out the equipment provided. Kobolds gibbering as they scuttled about the place. Bufo snorting as he wolfed down... whatever it was they had been served.

Bari didn't even blink.

He was going to touch a six breasted daemon.

"What if I ain't man enough?" he mumbled under his breath. Six breasts.

His hand stretched out, as if to practice. He'd have to be fast to get all six before she kicked his testicles through his jaw bone.

"Bari," someone said.

"Jordann?" he whispered in response.

"Bari."

"Oh baby? You sayin' my name?"

"Bari, could you...?"

Bari nodded. "Oh yeah, baby. I sure can...I surely, surely can..."

Suddenly Robin snatched Bari's wrist with his iron grip. "Bari. Could you stop rubbing my chest?" he said, teeth clenched. "Please?"

Bari's focus snapped to the steely glare of Robin's eyes. "Oh My F.. Robin? Robin!"

The cleric stepped back, suddenly feeling the weight of the stares in the room. Being judged by kobolds was hard.

"Aha," laughed the cleric. "Ahahaha," again. Forced. "Robin, brother - all I can say is that is one nice shirt, man. Real nice. I don't know how come you got lady trouble when you're wearing a shirt like that, man. Aha." Bari looked down.

Rambulge cleared his throat. "Ready?"

"Eh? Ready? Who's coming with me? We still gotta pray, man. Oh, and Invisibility, right? Three foot thaumaturge gonna do invisibility on me, right? Say...where is the little critter? And Bufo, come to think about it?"

Bari caught the eye of a nearby kobold, who first shrugged and then pointed in a direction he suspected the two might have been led.

"Shit! They gone? Gone? We gotta pray, man! How I am supposed to get near her? What, now I gotta run?"

The others ignored him. Rambulge fiddled about inside his trousers.

Bari rolled his eyes. "Jordann, honey? Why you gotta test me like this? Why couldn't I get normal size party people? So I don't have to deal with the little-man thing? Oh man, you are sweating me today! Anyhow, let us pray. Shuddup, everyone!"

Bari closed his eyes. "To the Hostess with the Mostess. And St Marv, you crazy chocolate mofo. I know that one in the hand is worth two in the bush. Today, I think that has never been more true. I got to lay my hands on big time, and I'ma need some help. I'd really appreciate it if you keep these others alive while I do my thing. Your thing. I'd like to stay alive too, now that I think about it. Look at these guys," Bari said, gesturing to the remaining party members. "Without me, they ain't ever gonna get no lovin', so please take pity on them and keep me alive. Them too. Yeah."

Bari opened his eyes and looked at Rambulge and Robin.

"Booya!" he cried suddenly, causing a nearby kobold to yip in fright.

"Now," he said, looking at the staff. "What's eating you?"

 Spoiler: Bari's Actions

So, looks like everything is underway.

Bari casts Prayer. Bufo and Eggbert are just going to have to go it alone. Once Prayer is done, he'll investigate the keening sound coming from the staff.

I guess Bari's plan now is simply to run at the daemon and try to cast remove curse. He'll go through the door last (assuming anyone else goes through it) and he'll make straight for her as a matter of priority.

Seu woke up in the dark, dankness of his cell. His wrists were still bound tightly to the slab he lay on, and his body ached from his many hurts. He felt weak, and weary from torture. He felt he had been trapped there at least a year, though it was merely a day or two since his capture. His stomach was cramped with hunger and his mouth was parched from thirst. He was in a bad way. He thought over the events of his strange dream (but was it a dream?) and muttered a prayer with lips that split and bled.

In the darkness, Seu thought for a moment he saw a tiny feather floating down to the floor.

The door opened.

Hisston slid into the room. His cruel mouth was set into a smirk, and in his hand he held a large, stained meat cleaver. His eyes held a promise of the pain to come.

"Hello paladin. I trusst you sslept terribly?" The snakeman stood over the slab and toyed with the mean looking blade. Seu did not dignify him with an answer.

"There iss ssomething i've alwayss wondered about your giftss paladin," Hisston continued, "- you lay your handss upon the wounded and they are healed, thiss I have sseen - but, how will you use thiss power if... you have no handss?"

Hisston raised his cleaver high in the air, theatrically, willing the knight to cry out, to show his fear. Seu stared straight ahead, his face serene, his faith in the lady unwavering. Hisston snarled, denied the pleasure of seeing the paladin quaver. "You WILL break paladin, you WILL!"

The cleaver hung poised to make it's cut, when a whitish blur flew at the snakeman and latched onto his throat. With a horrified shriek Hisston clutched at a small, catlike creature with madly flapping wings before he toppled with a crash to the floor, out of Seu's line of sight. There was a great rolling and thrashing as Hisston's snake tail flailed about, toppling a stool and sending small table covered in torture instruments flying. Then there was nothing but a hideous wet gurgling sound, accompanied by a tearing, growling noise that sent a chill up the paladin's spine.

What in the name of the lady had just happened?!


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Bufo couldn't take it any longer. He was sick and tired of this tunnel, sick and tired of darkness, sick and tired of the aching, aching hunger he was feeling (he hadn't eaten in at least half an hour). The only thing that stood between him and the sweet sweet freedom of the temple beyond was one wizened gnome. The walls were closing in on him. He couldn't breathe!

"Right Eggy, i'm coming through!" Bufo put his head down and did his best impression of the crawling version of a charge. His head butted into the gnome's derriere and shoved the startled creature out, out, out of the stinky damp kobold hole! Freeeeeedooooooom!

The two little adventurers fell out of the tunnel with soft plopping sound. The kobolds who had been their guides had vanished completely to wherever it is that kobolds go. It was quiet - too quiet.

They were in a room - someone's quarters, clearly. According to the map it was Hisston's. The furniture was nice, if worn. Shreds of tapestry hung from ceiling to floor, which was strewn with rubble and debris. The cunningly wrought kobold tunnel entrance came out under a large desk and was all but invisible unless you knew just how to look at it from just the right angle. If Eggbert didn't know better he'd have said it was practically an illusion.

To the left the back wall of the chamber had a large wardrobe. In front of the desk, partially blocking their view, was an odd squishy-looking sack that sat where a chair would normally be. There was also a decent sized bed, some shelves of books and knick-knacks, and a large chest to the right of the desk. On the rightmost wall from their viewpoint, there was a door that led to the rest of the temple. There were lit torches in several sconces on the wall and the air felt hot and humid, as it had in the rest of the temple.

According to the map the secret room containing Seu was somewhere behind the wardrobe...

"Well," said Bufo, "that could have turned out worse."

Then they heard the scream.

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Bari, Robin, Rambulge, Duke, and a small force of kobold bully-boys decked in a ridiculous mish-mash of armour and carrying an unlikely assortment of weapons were cautiously picking their way through the tunnel towards the Misstress' throne room. The koboldi moved with utter stealth, their padded feet barely disturbing a speck of dust. Robin moved with similar stealth, his soft boots a whisper on the rocks. Rambulge stubbed his toes repeatedly and dropped a fart so nasty it made even the dog-men wince. Bari scraped and sweated his way along, his armoured arms collecting more scratches and dents as he progressed. The Cleric of Luuurve was still pondering the conversation he'd had just now with the golden stave he was carrying.

Stave: Beeble beeble beeble

Bari: Yo, what's up?

Stave: BeepBeepBeep. Hello? Freddie?

Bari: It's Bari, man, try to remember.

Stave: Bari! Hi! Listen man, sorry about before, kinda busy here and all, god stuff you know?

Bari: Yeah baby, I could tell, run off your feet.

Stave: Haha! Yeah! Well, anyway, I've concentrated all my powers into helping you in your journey. I don't have a body anymore and I'm sorta floating in nothingness but if you call me, I can hear, and I can help. Just tell me what you need and I'll do my best to help out, okay?

Bari: Sure, great!

Stave: But, ahh, Johnny, listen - I probably only have enough juice to help out once, or maybe twice - maybe a few times, but, y'know, don't push me too far. I'm having a little trouble holding onto... me. Use me wisely okay?

Bari: Okay brother, I gotcha...

 Spoiler: QUEST NOTE

Bari's stave can now cast prayers up to level 3, three times a day. Level 1 prayers pose no risk to Pieter, but level 2 prayers have a 20% (cumulative) chance to knock him out for a day and level 3 prayers have a 30% (cumulative) chance to knock him out for a day.

Bari was snapped out of his reverie when one of the kobolds held up a paw and hissed a warning. The tunnel seemed to be getting lighter ahead. It was also getting bigger.

"Stop. We use juice now," yipped the kobold softly. The other creatures fumbled about in their pouches until they produced several stone phials. The leader uncorked one and began splashing a small amount into his paw and rubbing it all over his fur. The stench was utterly appalling, like mashed bug guts mixed with vomit. The koboldi offered the phials to the adventurers, nodding and yipping nervously.

"Juice. You use. Keepsafe from the theraphosa..."


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Seu strained and struggled, but try as he might he couldn't see where Hisston was lying, or what had attacked him. The sounds had ceased, save for a horrible, laboured bubbling sound.

Suddenly, with a fluttering leap and a sudden weight upon his chest, the creature was on him. It stood about a foot high and resembled a large cat, save for it's owl-like face, delicate hooved hind legs, and it's beautiful tawny wings. Seu had heard of such creatures in the legendary tales his father had told him - it was a tiny hippogryph! But what was it doing here?

You brought me here...

Seu gasped. The voice had appeared in his mind, just like that! Had the creature just spoken to him with it's mind?

Yes.

There it was again!

You freed me from my frozen prison in that world between worlds. I have waited for you a long time sir knight. By the grace of the lady, I shall become your chosen mount...

"I OT IWA ONA IIIIEEE !!!!!"

The creature's head inclined on the side... it seemed like it had come too late and that any remnant of sanity had left the poor knight...

" SOB SOB, I mean 'sob' I thought I was going to 'sob' die... by the Holy Lady and all that is good in this world, thank you ! Is that you Merevain ? "

"Are you crying ? "

"well no... maybe...'sob'... just a little ? I'm actually so happy and one of your claws is right in one of my wounds..."

The small Hippogryph looked down and cold see 2 of its claws right in one of the multiple wounds Hisston had left on the paladin's bare chest.

"oh Sorry about that"

Amongst all the trouble and pain he'd gone through, despite the awkward situation of being chained naked on a stone slab with a talking Hippogryph on is chest and his torturer lying on the floor right next to them, Seu actually felt... relieved... relieved and actually Happy.

"Joy comes easy to you Seu... that's one of the greatest gifts the Lady has offered to you my son" his father had once told him. For years Seu had watched his father with admiration, seeing him leave castle Wyrmrock with Marvin the master Cleric on top of his gigantic Unicorn, one of the greatest mounts a Paladin can tame. Roland Antheus was that monument of a man to his young eyes, the beacon in the dark, the model on which he had based all his dreams.



And now he had gained a Hippogryph, if ONly his father could see it !
A feet tall Hippogryph... Hippogryphs do grow a little taller right? Yeah they sure do... Seu was pretty sure had read they could become large and fearsome. Didn't his father and Marvin once fought an evil lord riding one ? or was it an evil dwarf lord ? Damn failing memory...
Right now, all Seu wanted was ... to scratch his cheek, he had had this itch for what felt like a year. Oh maybe getting untied would be the first good move now.

Untie you? Your wish, sir knight.

The Hippogryph swiped at the bonds that tied Seu's wrists and feet with deft, expert strokes. The ropes were no match for the creature's steely claws. He was free!

" Wow, just... wow"
As Seu was rubbing his aching wrists and scratching his cheek, he couldn't take his eyes off the creature...

He spoke the next words in his mind : "can you read my mind then"

"That I can, yes and my name is yours to give"

Seu was puzzled, he had thought about this his whole childhood and now the occasion was here, his mind was empty...
"Binky? Beauty ? Fru-Fru?..."
His mind wondered until he remembered Charles the Paladin, one of his legendary ancestors which was the only known to have had such a mount, his mount was called Tencendur, a name that had entered history... Seu loved the tales of Charles and Tencendur and Seu always wanted to know more about "Tence" the fabulous mount...

"For what you did here, only a heroic name would fit ou I suppose, Tencendur ? Tence?"
As the two beings were communicating, Seu's eyes scanned the room to check for anything to cover himself (gear and weapons) and to actually check if Hisston was done for good or just uncounscious.

Rambulge was filled with a sense of purpose that not even his aching toes could dampen.
Gently resting his shield against the tunnel wall, the spell sword took the offered phial of "juice" and began to apply it on his person without complaint.
If this stuff was what it smelt like, he had been up to his eyes in it for what seemed like years now anyway- if it made his chances of freeing his companions and punishing these monstrous Serpent men better he was all for it.

Robin took the vial of juice and applied it to himself. He was used to covering his scent on the hunt and this time, the hunt was to retrieve his friend. He passed the vial back to Bari with a wry smile.

Bari was horrified.

He'd thought they'd just, y'know, pop through a door, leap at the snakemen, fondle some breasts and be done with the whole thing.

But Theraposa? THAT was a whole new ball game. In the darkness, Bari shivered. "Pull youself together, man! They just spiders! Like me, just with some extra legs and... hair. And eyes. And..." Bari yelped as a kobold prodded him with a vial.

"Take it!" it insisted.

"Oh My Foxy Goddess!" Bari exclaimed, pulling the stopper on the vial. "That is some nasty shit in there! Uh. I dunno..."

Tutting in frustration, the kobold yanked the vial from Bari's hands and started applying the liquid stench with vigour. Bari was nothing if not a priest of love, and even here, in the depths of nowhere, between worlds and sanities, he suddenly found the silver lining to the galaxy sized cloud they had been under. Being rubbed by a kobold was, well, sort of like being rubbed by a dog...

"Oh yeah. Right there. That's the spot, little guy. Don't want the theraposa to get little Bari now, do we..."

[spoiler=]Welcome back, Cap'n! Also: LOL at tiny hippogriff![/spoiler]

Eggberr, spurred on by the terrible cries. moved towards the wardrobe and opend it cautiously

Once Bari had been thoroughly anointed in the disgusting fluids, the party was ready to continue. The smell filled their nostrils with it's sickly sweet bitter bug-gut tang, but they all reminded themselves it was a small price to pay to help their friends (and also, to not be eaten by giant spiders).
The kobold bullies motioned silently for them to continue up the slowly widening passage, and they did so, making as little noise as possible. Finally, they came to what appeared to be an intersection in the tunnel - quite a large one. Again, the kobolds called for a halt. The intersecting tunnel was some 20 feet high, very dim, full of vaguely flickering shadows thanks to the small torches being borne by the bullies. One by one, the torches were extinguished by the koboldi, save for one, who was in the lead. He knelt down, and pointed to the ground, indicating something to the party that lay there. Then he died horribly as a large black shape dropped from the ceiling onto his back and slit his throat with a swift, powerful cut.

Robin recognised the shape of Kuanos, the black yuan-ti assassin, before the tiny torch fell from the dead kobold's hand to the floor and the already dim light in the corridor was all but extinguished.

 Spoiler: QUEST NOTE

Bari, Robin, Rambulge, Duke and their remaining four bullies are now in combat, in the dark. This is going to present some challenges. Every action is going to require a test to be accomplished until some semblance of light is restored. The dropped torch has not been wholly extinguished so it may be of some use if you can get to it. Each character is assumed to have some sort of torch like item in their packs, except perhaps Bari, who has never really owned anything save what he has scrounged and even that is mostly sheets. A torch will light quickly if held in proximity to another burning object, otherwise you'd have to use a flint which will be tricky in the dark.

I'm also going to assume you all collected appropriate weapons from Papa Toe-Toe's stash when you had the chance - feel free to pick from the following (some have been claimed, as you can see):

1 x Bronze Tetsubo (a type of oriental club)
1 x steel mace (Claimed by Rambulge)
2 x tarnished Yuan-Ti khopesh (curvy swords)
2 x dented longswords
assorted daggers
1 x Yuan-Ti longbow (with a quiver of 30 snake themed arrows)
1 x helm, crested with a gaudy plume
2 x battered shields, one snake themed, one has a rat on it (Rambulge has the snake shield)

Also there is a snake assassin actively trying to kill you.

Please state your actions Good luck!

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Seu thought about finding his gear and checking on the snakeman. Tence read his thought and leapt nimbly off his chest, disappearing from view again. Seu sat up and his head reeled as his blood began to flow around his body more freely. He steadied himself with a gasp, and looked about him. The room was a mess. Hisston lay in a pool of his own black blood, still gasping faintly, like a fish out of water, almost drowned. He was alive still, but barely.

This smells like it belongs to you, the thought came to Seu. He looked up and saw Tence, his tiny hippogryph mount, holding Flamebrand in it's small but deadly claw. The sword lit up with brilliant flames as if in welcome of the paladin's return.

 Spoiler: DM's NOTES

I actually bought one of those Hippogryphs from the Tooth and Sword KS and wanted to paint it up but the washes failed and left it covered in crusty white spooge and I got cross and then the desk and all it's mess claimed it. So this pic is from the website. It even has a flaming sword, which is what inspired this whole scene, months and months ago!

 Spoiler: QUEST NOTE

Seu's HP: 11/55

Tence has found Seu's stuff. Flamebrand is there, as well as whatever equipment that you were carrying prior to capture. However, Seu's armour has been rather crudely removed, with various leather straps hacked off instead of being unbuckled properly - you may not be able to assemble a full set of armour, and this will be reflected in your AC until you have the opportunity to repair it.

There is a small table in the corner that has been left undisturbed - it contains a bottle with the gross-tasting healing liquid in it that Hisston forced you to drink at the start of your torture.

Suddenly Tence looked tense. He looked toward's the doorway. Someone is coming. I sense an evil presence...

Tence tensed his muscles and prepared to pounce.

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Bufo and Eggbert looked at each other, startled, as the screaming peaked and then died. Eggbert scrambled out from under the table and made his way to the wardrobe, Bufo plucking at the sleeve of his wizardly robes.

"Let's not be hasty now," whispered Bufo urgently, "We're probably too late. That was probably just Seu dying. We should go the other way. Like, the tunnel way... Eggy....?"

The determined gnome ignored Bufo and examined the wardrobe door.

"We don't know what's in there," Bufo continued, more urgently, "It could be an army of zombie monsters, thirsting for your intelligent brains, or, or, it could be like, a huuuuge, umm, tiger, or..."

Eggbert opened the wardrobe door quietly and pushed through a handful of hanging garments, seeking the back wall - but there was none. He disappeared into the cupboard. Bufo, against his will, squeezed himself through the crack of the open door, and also squeezed out the most monumentally evil fart one could ever wish to encounter - or not wish, as would be more likely the case. He pushed through the various robes and other clothes until he bumped into Eggbert, who immediately put his hand over the halfling's mouth and gestured past a thick winter cloak to the dim room beyond.

Bufo saw Hisston lying on the floor, dead. He saw Seu kneeling over the corpse, wearing his armour, looking weak, but alive!

"SEU!" cried the little thief, leaping out into the room, a semi-corporeal tail of fart following him as he went. "We've come to rescue you! It's so good to see yoAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

Bufo didn't see the feisty Hippogryph that came hurtling out of the shadows to pounce on him until it was far too late.