D&D ADVENTURE! Chase to the Crystal City

Asslessman

Member
With Bari next to him, Seu stood as tall and proud as he could. He removed his helmet in a slow gentle gesture combining strenght and grace in the motion.

Honesty and purity was the source of all of his actions and he wanted the guards to see the resolve and loyalty in is eyes just like it could be seen in the Cleric's teeth. The sight of Bari's slightly hairy chest under the tiger's tooth and what seemd to be dancing behind the sack at knee height had intrigued more than the guards... Now the paladin had removed his helmet, in a gesture liberating a cascade of jet black nicely combed hair, to reveal his delicate face on which only one swordcut scar next to the eye was telling this was not that of an angel. There were actually quite some people looking at them, women and girls mostly whose interest had turned from curiousity to some deeper interest.

"With our friend here in such a terrible state, would I lie to you? . Our hearts and intentions are pure and righteous, we are on duty to fight for everything good in this world !"

With Bari smiling next to him, Seu felt in his heart that they were acting right... The smile on his face was one of pride and love of evrything good in this world.
 
The guard shook his head slowly. This was worse than the time the Dancing Hobo Alliance had a chicken nugget war with the Manic Street Preachers on Platform 3. At least then he'd known which heads needed bashing in (all of them) and there had been so much chicken afterwards...

"So," the guard began, addressing the party in general, "your story is that a demon, summoned by this mouse, encouraged you to ransack this mouse's home before handing out mouse-porn, after which you came here
to recover a gem made of cheese stolen by this same mouse, and in order to prove your innocence, you show me even more stolen mouse porn and flash us with your nasty sack?"

He slumped ever so slightly in his armour as he took it all in. The tall, handsome, totally batshit crazy knight, the weird sack-wearing flasher, the stoic, singed looking woodsman, the unconscious midget, and the crumpled hobo on the floor who smelt strongly of dog turds. The mouse was clearly a massive douchebag, but...

"I'm placing you all under arrest for theft, attempted assault, public inebriation and..." he looked at Bari, "indecent exposure."

The guard turned to Wandemar. "Mouse, as a card-carrying member of the Interdimensional Railroads Association, and bearer of a valid travel pass, you are free to go. A statement from you will be required in the near future, so be sure to answer the summons when requested. I'm taking down your forwarding address." The mouseman looked triumphant once again. "However," the guard continued, "We'll be taking these... publications, for evidence."

Wandemar's eyes narrowed. "I'll have your job for this!" he hissed. The mouseman turned on his heel and stalked away, his tail twitching angrily from the back of his robes. "Douche," the guard muttered under his breath. He turned to the party, who remained in the ring of spears.

"Now you lot, lower your weapons and submit to our authority. I'll send stretchers for your friends, they will be cared for adequately. The rest of you are going to be taken for processing. Any resistance will be met with appropriate force..."
 
Due to the forum's mishaps, we missed a night's/morning's play. Shall I assume you all came along quietly and continue the narrative? ;)
 
To add insult to injury, drool ran freely from Rambulge's mouth and began pooling on the ground.

What a fine mess he had gotten them into!
 
The remaining party members watched morosely as their prone companions floated away on some kind of magical stretchers. If Bufo had been conscious, he probably would have enjoyed the experience thoroughly.
With their wrists restrained behind their backs, and several guards escorting with their nasty-looking spears, Seu, Robin and Bari were taken to be processed.

Despite the ominous sounding title, 'processing' didn't involve turning the party into chicken nuggets, although by the time they were done, it might have seemed a kinder fate. They were stripped of their filthy garments and herded into a tiled room, where water blaster their naked selves and two ogre-sized men in aprons scrubbed them with long handled brooms dipped in buckets of caustic soap. After they had several layers of skin worn off by the vigorous scouring, they were covered in handfuls of delousing powder that stung their raw skin like a bath of pure acid. After this, they were each issued a strange papery smock that barely covered all the essentials, and taken to separate waiting chambers, where they sat for what seemed like hours on hard, wooden benches.

Time passed in the harshly lit, claustrophobic rooms. Each of them had time to reflect on what had transpired in the last few days.

Eventually, each hero was taken to a room, under guard, where their details were recorded and statements taken.

I'd like each of you to write up a statement for the guards including your 'full name', in-game address and occupation. Note, you can give the guards completely falsified information if you choose! - PM them to me, i don't want y'all reading each others and comparing notes! ;) Rambulge, you have to do one too, for when you wake up ;)

Once their processing was done, a bored looking clerk sitting behind a desk filled with teetering stacks of documents and ledgers told each of them the same thing in turn:

"As of now, you have all been entered into the records of the Inter-Dimensional Railway Association. As none of you have existing accounts with us, you have all had one created, and summarily fined 1000 credits each. You will be disallowed from using any service belonging to the IDRA, including travel services, buffet and canteen services, latrine and water bubblers and shoe-shining services, until the fines have been paid in full, and subject to approval by the IDRA. Fines may be payed at any IDRA ticket office or at your local postal service. You will be kept in our holding facilities until tomorrow, when a portal will be opened to send you back to wherever it is you came from. I hope we will not be seeing you here again."

After an eternity spent being ground by the wheels of bureaucracy, the three companions were finally reunited in a plain cell, and their wrist-bonds removed. A single orb floated around the ceiling, ticking and spinning occasionally. Several other occupants were waiting listlessly - a mostly naked hobo lay on the floor, his ragged pants the only concession he had to decency. A slender elf wearing a long jacket made of some kind of spotted animal skin lounged against the wall, his long frizzy blonde hair bound by a shining circlet. Lastly, a small gnome with a long bushy beard sat alone, pondering whatever it is that wise-looking gnomes ponder. There was no sign of Rambulge or Bufo.
 

Penddraig

Member
Robin paced around in the cell, disliking being cooped up in such a confined area and away from the wilderness for too long. "1000 credits?" He muttered. "What is a 1000 credits?" He looked over at his two companions, "I have no idea what is going on but surely Rambulge and Bufo should have been back by now? As for that walking rat, he surely is further towards completing his quest now and we are further from ours."

Robin walked toward the floating orbs and addressed it directly. "Where are our friends? At least let us know that they are safe and well!"
 
"It is a most remarkable object isnt it," said Eggbert. "I have been studying it for some time, and I am now able to say with the utmost certainty that it doesnt have any kind of wings whatsoever. Furthermore, its principal curvatures match to at least one part in a thousand. I wouldnt go as far as to say it was a perfect sphere mind you..."

Eggbert was getting into full flow, but noting the general lack of immediate concern for geometrical insights in these new arrivals, he suddenly hesitated.

"Say you young fellow, where abouts are you from, if you dont mind me asking? I once knew a human who looked a bit like you. Or was it a pixie who looked a bit like your companion there.." he muttered, pointing at nooone in particular. "Might have been a bugbear now I think about it. Hmm"

Eggbert lapsed into reminiscences, temporarily forgetting about his new aquaintances.
 

weazil

Moderator
Bari stared at the hobo. Even he's got pants, he thought. Bastard.

Why, Jordann? What was the meaning of all of this? How could he spread the message of love from within this cell? He'd offered his captors both pamphlets and hugs, but the poor, loveless, wretches seemed unable to accept his acts of simple kindness. What kind of world was this where nobody wanted a hug?

And why was it so hard to understand that an amulet of awesome power could be produced from the cheese of the milk of a goddess who chose to manifest herself as a cow once a year? I mean, how else does one say that? How could it be misunderstood? He was generally concerned by the lack of religious conviction in those he'd met in this world so far. They had not been at all receptive to his cleansing ritual, for example.

Still, he thought. There was a silver lining to all of this. That rub down had been a curiously interesting experience...
 

Asslessman

Member
The cleansing shower they had undergone had somehow got Seu's body into better shape (probably thanks to his years of self-whipping and frozen lake swimming...), the questions and administrative work he had been inflicted had had the very opposite effect on his mind though...
The knight was stretching himself while praying, doing a part of his daily "prayxercise" to keep his body, mind and soul ready to serve the Lady when the gnome spoke.

"I am Seu Antheus knight of the order of the Lady of the Lake. Are you familiar with this place? My friends and I are in a hurry to leave and get back to our quest.
May I ask you your name?"
 
Before any further words were spoken, there was the heavy, metallic sound of large bolts shifting on the other side of the cell door, and a small, thin panel opened up halfway up it's length. A metal tray slid smoothly into the room through the slot left by the panel - and on the tray, a sea of small crispy nuggets lay, steaming and delicious. The effect on the sleeping hobo was immediate and startling - with a joyous cry he leapt to his feet and hollered "Grub's up!". The elf snickered, and muttered "that never ceases to amaze".

The old hobo attacked the chicken nuggets with a gusto that would have put Bufo to shame...
 

Asslessman

Member
Seu approached the meal served and tasted some of it "I can't tell if it's the food coming out of a wall or the speed at which this person is eating which amazes me more I have to say... (looking at the elf and presenting his hand to shake) I'm Seu Antheus, knight of the Lady of the Lake..."
 
"Greetings Sir Knight, I am called Yngwie Malmostarion, Minstrel of reknown, at your service". As he introduced himself, the elf bowed low, his long, frizzy blonde hair sweeping forward, then back with a grace that defied physics. "Most pleased to make your acquaintance. May I ask, how did one such as yourself wind up here with us miscreants?"
 

Asslessman

Member
"That is a long story Yngwie, my friends and I are actually on a mission to retrieve ssomething that was stolen from us. When we found the culprit, he escaped and we were sent in this city where our manners and intentions might have offended some of the local laws.
But tell me friend, what can a minstrel do to be brought into custody as you are? Where I come from, the wise listen to troubadours while fools mock them for we know music and poetry can be as sharp weapons as swords...
We've been told we need to pay a 1000 credits fine before tomorow to be delivered from here. I'm not familiar with this currency, what would it be worth in Gold? We're in a hurry since we cannot afford to lose our trail here....there is much at stake here depending on our success or failure, winter is coming..."
 
"Well, my story is not so long dear knight - I was detained for busking to try and earn enough credits to get a train out of here - anywhere but here would do! Sadly, our gold is all but worthless now - ever since the gold planet was discovered..." the elven minstrel paused for effect, then continued. "One week ago it was, and if I had my instrument, i'd sing you the tale, but alas... a band of deep space traders came back with a tale of having made land-fall on a planet of solid gold - they brought back nuggets the size of your head, they could barely lift them, such was their weight. The IDRA bought the rights to it in secret, but word got out and the value of gold plummeted. Now, the exchange rate is somewhere in the vicinity of 1000 gold coins to one IDRA credit - ludicrous!"

The elf shook his head. "So, I started playing for credits at the station, and almost had enough for a ticket when they bailed me up here. Now i'm due for the free ride home tomorrow, just like you lot I expect. Decent enough of them I suppose, if home happens to be where you want to go." The elf looked wistful. "There is nothing for me back home. Literally. That world is gone now. Don't worry about the 1000 credit fine, that's just a deterrent to keep you away from their precious stations, they rarely follow up such a ridiculous penalty. They make more money that the gods as it is!"

The elf chuckled at the thought.

"Anyway, good knight, where is this mission of yours headed?"
 

Asslessman

Member
" Yngwie, I'm a bit confused about these people trading space and those planet and landfall things you are tallking about. I do get the gravity of your position though."
Seu put his right hand on the elf's right shoulder, he did not really know why but whenever he wanted to create a link with someone, that gesture almost always came instinctively... this time he also made it to detect any form of evil in the elf. He had barely known him for a few minutes but he somehow sensed that he could help them out... to put his life and his companion's into the hands of a stranger, he had to check that this person had no evil in him...
"The person who has stolen the artifact we seek is leaving and we dn't know what he intends to do with it, you can be sure it's not for naything good... "
 
Seu sensed the good within the elf as he touched his arm - he also sensed something that set his mind afire with noise and colour! He felt like riding a flaming metal horse off a cliff into a giant fireball and landing in a pit of naked women... the feeling was as intense as white-hot iron and pulsed with the juices of life!

"Can you feel the music, man?" Yngwie asked quietly, his eyes blazing with some inner fire. "Don't worry, you will. So... where are we headed?"

It wasn't a question now, but a decision - the elf was joining the party - or was the party coming with him?
 

Asslessman

Member
"First thing is to get our friends back, we haven't seen them since they left for the healing facility... next step will be to go to Crsytal City to catch that evil wizard."

Seu looked at the other other cellmates with a grin of irony, there was a hobo with the head covered in nuggets leftovers and a gnome speaking in his beard about volumes and trigonometry :
"Any of you know a way out and how to get to Crystal city?"

His eyes then turned to Bari and Robin, hoping to find in their eyes the sparkle of an idea...
 
"A crystal city you say? Well there is a funny thing. I suppose it has its advantages. Not much danger of overheating, at least. As to how to get there, I am at a loss. But if you have had something stolen, then you might want to check if there are any Pixies nearby, because they are devils for stealing things, and just when you need them most too."

"Eggbert is my name pleased to meet you" he said to the knight. "What did you say your name was, Sir Gallahad wasnt it?"
He turned to Bari and Robin "Are you knights too? You can never have too many knights in my opinion. Very handy for slaying dragons and rescuing maidens and such. Sometimes knightliness can prevail where magic can not. Take now for example. Can´t get any spells to work. I really am begining to think there are pixies around, or maybe even leprechauns. You arent a leprachaun are you by any chance?" he said to the elf.
 

weazil

Moderator
Bari sat morosely in the cell, absent to the other occupants as he explored his feelings on this new world and the recent events. It seemed ironic that the party had accumulated over a thousand pieces of gold, but he still hadn't slept in a bed nor worn trousers since his rescue.

But say what you will, when a man finds himself outside of his home-dimension, having landed with nothing other than a hessian sack and a metric ton of what transpired to be otherwise useless metal discs, missing some of his friends and being locked up for no other reason than trying to save the multiverse as we all know it, chicken nuggets do hit a certain spot.

In Bari's case, he slowly gravitated to the tray, careful not to touch the hobo, lest the ravenous creature lashed out at him in defence of the nuggets. Still, with no shortage of skill or speed, Bari was able to dart his hand onto the flailing morass of the hobo's arms, hands and gnashing teeth to extract enough of the stuff to satisfy.

It was only as his meal reached its conclusion (by the hobo upending the tray and pushing it around on the floor with his nose like a bloodhound tracking a fox), that he really took in his surroundings and his companions.

Now as far as Bari was concerned, the gnome, or dwarf, or pixie or whatever the hell Eggbert was, didn't especially intrigue Bari. Fine - he was sharing a cell with a short, bearded thing.

But Yngwie? Now that cat had style! Were it not for his greasy fingers (which, interestingly, he refused to wipe on his hessian sack), he would have reached out and stroked the luscious coat. Maybe he should get the dude's name, first? Touching another male in a prison in another dimension from one's own before properly introducing oneself might send the wrong message - especially in this forsaken world where everyone seemed suspicious of everything.

"My name is Bari," he declared to the two non-hobos. "I am not a knight, although I have a profound awareness of the business of lancing, if you catch my drift..." Bari winked. "I am a priest of Jordann, the sweet, sweet goddess of Love! I had some pamphlets, but these damn sonsabitches took 'em off me!"
 
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